Here are some pictures to look at because what's a blog without pictures? Lame, that's what it is. The one below with Carson in his vest is the best of 40 pictures I tried to get of him - like a photo session. Who told me that I had a good camera & could just do it myself? We both went inside in tears & don't have anything good to show for it. Oh well.
So after my great canning expedition, I was out of projects. And I had time to think about having a baby & it freaked me out - a rough couple of days. So, needless to say, I made a new list of things to do & went to work! I'm excited, but not. It's been harder to be excited about this baby because this time around, I know what I'm getting myself into! With the first baby, ignorance is bliss. Contractions start & you just do it because you've never done it before. You take the baby home & get up with him at night & change 40 diapers a day & deal with gallons of spit up & keep your house clean & sleep when the baby does. But what do you do with baby #2? (I'm totally freaking myself out before he even gets here!) Labor & delivery wasn't TOO bad, but it was no walk in the park. I'm actually not that concerned about it (I am a little worried about Mark being gone or there not being anyone to take Carson while I'm writhing in pain & driving myself to the hospital. -I knew writing these things down would help me see how silly they are. Please don't send this to your friend that works in the Psych Ward. I'm fine, really. mostly.) I AM concerned about being super tired & not being able to take a nap & being able to function & be patient & kind with Carson. I don't do very well on no sleep. I just need to get back to the mentality that I adopted after I brought Carson home (this should always be my mentality, but somehow it isn't): My kid (now, kids!) are my first priority & taking care of them & helping them feel safe & happy & loved is my most important job. If anything else gets done today - great. If not - it's OK! It's not about me!
I got out the baby clothes & went through them & TONS of them had huge yellow spit-up stains on them which didn't help the scared/not excited feelings I was having (Carson was SO bad for spitting up. Heaven help me if this baby is that way too!) Anyway, I looked online for a way to take the stains out (I'm pretty sure they get worse in storage, because I thought I'd taken care of them - guess not). And I found this site http://fairychildheirlooms.wordpress.com/stain-removal/ with a 'recipe' for stain removal: super hot water & equal parts Clorox 2 powdered detergent/bleach & blue Dawn dish soap. So I did a big batch in the bath tub & soaked it overnight & 98% of the stains are out!! There are a few with a little tinge of yellow left, but NOTHING compared to what they were! Now I need to get some baby laundry detergent & get washing - blankets & clothes & towels, oh my!
I went shopping the next day & found a darling "coming home" outfit for the baby & a few other things........that helped me feel better about the whole situation too. Who says shopping isn't therapeutic?!
We didn't have regular church meetings yesterday because of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple dedication. We went to the 9am session so we could have Grandma & Grandpa watch Carson & then we watched some other kids in the afternoon. It was SO great! All the talks were really good & the dedicatory prayer was excellent. I even made it through the whole thing on a metal folding chair! We had lunch at Seiter's & then came home to watch our neighbor's kids. And I made borscht. We have tons of beets in our garden & I don't know what to do with them. We got a recipe from Mark's mission president (he served in Ukraine - land of borscht) & went to work. The recipe was kinda vague, but I think it turned out ok. I made two pots-worth. I figured if I was going to do all the work, I might as well do extra & freeze some. Freezer Meal #1 - DONE.
I'm going to work on more freezer meals today. I found some on here: http://realmomkitchen.blogspot.com/search/label/freezer%20meal that I'm going to try & then I have a few in my own cookbook. I really love her blog because she usually has stuff that's easy & uses things that you would normally buy.
Anyhoo, I think I'm feeling better about the whole baby idea. We went to the temple on Friday night & I felt really good about one of the names we've been talking about. There's a "catch" to us using it though, depending on what day he's born, so I'm not telling! Before this, "baby brudder" didn't have a name.......or a face.
Another rant about baby: the ultrasound picture we have of his face isn't a profile. It's straight-on so it's like looking at a skeleton. It's kinda hard to bond with a baby that doesn't have cheeks or a nose - just big black holes. If I were an ultrasound tech, I'd make sure 1st) that I determined the gender correctly & 2nd) that I sent the family home with good pictures. But we do have a good picture of his feet & I've felt them (oh, I've felt them) sticking out past my ribs & they're so skinny & pointy. Therefore, I must conclude that he has a body of FLESH & bones & will be kissable & lovable.
This WILL be a good week. It isn't supposed to be as hot & I've got a list of things to do!!
6 comments:
I love how just by blogging about this, towards the end of the post you are feeling better about the baby coming! Ha. I also think spit up stains must get worse in storage, cause when Caylee gave me Tatum's clothes, some of them were terribly stained, and she didn't remember any of them being that way. I just threw them away. . . oops. I have thrown away Norah's onesies with stains too. . . although, who wants to recycle old white/yellowish onesies that some other baby has worn? Maybe I'm weird like that. . . yes, I am weird like that. Nevermind.
If you need any recipes that freeze well, I have a few I could send your way. Let me know! Good luck with your new projects.
I really loved this post! I've been there, wondering how I'm going to handle two kiddos (we are very alike in the sleep department - it's a necessity!), and it just works out fine. You end up happier than you think you're going to be and grateful to have two little people in your life that you love so much. The beginning is tough, but I'm a believer that baby #1-#16 is tough regardless. I could be wrong. I just know you will do great! Carson will love him and you'll LOVE seeing the way they interact with each other. It will make you want to have MORE. (crazy thought hey?!) you and Mark will do great!
So, I just wanted to tell you that you are great and such a good mom! I think you will obviously have to make some adjustments but I think you will do it flawlessly. I am so excited for you guys.
I love your honesty in expressing your insecurities because I felt the same way. Michael was. . . I'm going to say it, an AWFUL newborn. He didn't sleep, spat up all the time, cried all day, the works. But second time around was better. Sure, the nonexistent sleep sucks, but I knew what I was doing this time, and that itself made it easier.
Hilary, I love reading your blog, you make me laugh, and sad but true, Im worrying about the same exact things, but haven't really had time to think about them until now! You will be such a great mother of two, you are so patient with Carson. It will be awesome! I can't wait, if you ever need help with Carson, let me know, Im always home, and Lilee would love someone to play with! Anyways- talk to you later, good luck, and things will be fine, not easy, but they will work out! = )
aw, I have tears. I want so bad to give you a big hug and hold you and tell you everything will be ok. I want to tell you that how you are sounding doesn't sound psycho - it sounds like deja vu. In fact, it takes me back to a really dark and miserable time not so long ago for me. I remember trying really hard to find something good about having another baby, and not being able to. I don't talk like this to make it about me, but in the hopes of showing you that you aren't alone. And I KNOW you are feeling guilty about the way you feel - let the guilt go!! You have legitimate concerns and fears, and legitimate hormone imbalances, and none of it makes you a bad person or a bad Mom. You won't know that everything will turn out fine until you just do it - and then you'll be so proud of yourself! And Heavenly Father is there to carry you the whole way. YOU CAN DO THIS!! You have more patience and kindness and tenderness than anyone I know.
This is way too much for a blog comment..... Just know that I love you and I hate that I'm so far away right now. This home-stretch is really the hardest part and I wish I could be right there for you - if just to keep Carson busy for you, or make your supper, or clean your house, or do your laundry, or rub your feet.
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