Still not much time to post....or do anything else for that matter. I'm still kind of in survival mode. Some days are better than others. Today was one of the others. I used to think Burke was a way better baby than Carson was...and maybe he is, but it's still kind of miserable. He wants to be held all day - including when he's asleep. Thank Heavens for the Moby wrap that leaves at least one of my hands free most of the time, but it's still kind of awkward to get very much done.
Carson was a pill today. He has good & bad days too (which determine my good & bad days). This is why I was worried to have two kids. Is this turning out to be a self-fulfilling prophecy? Am I destined to have fussy/bratty kids my whole life? Am I the one that needs an attitude adjustment? Probably all of these are true. (This probably isn't a good day to be writing a post!) Somebody please tell me that things get better after a while!!
I tried to exercise today. It was about 15 minutes - Carson was all over, making things difficult - and Burke was awake crying (kind of like right now, actually) for the last 5. I didn't shower until almost 2 o'clock when Mark was home for lunch. I did have a nap for 20 minutes or so because I was falling asleep on the couch watching Carson play, so I turned on a movie & we both fell asleep. Then Burke woke up 20 minutes later.
Our lesson in Sunday School yesterday was on Provident Living & Work......the comment was made that sometimes stay at home moms can feel like they're digging a hole that is constantly being filled - you don't get to see your progress or accomplishments very often. I totally identify with this lately. The house stays tidy for about 3 minutes & I don't have time (or free arms) to clean it up quickly like I used to. I like to have a craft project or something to work on so I do feel like I'm accomplishing something & using my talents, etc., but there isn't much time for that lately either. I have done a few things & that feels good (pictures sometime), so I shouldn't complain too much.
Tomorrow will be better, I'm sure (I hope). On the other hand I get to kiss Burke's giant cheeks and squeeze his giant legs whenever I want. And I get to hear Carson's funny ideas (when he isn't screaming or hitting). Like tonight in FHE. We were talking about the sacrament because that's the lesson he had in nursery last Sunday. We were trying to get him to say 'sacrament' by prompting with "ssss" & he said "Sunbeeps" That's what he says for Sunbeams. I love to hear him talk to his little rocking horse that he uses as a step stool.
I do love my family. And I usually enjoy being a mom, but it's on days like these that I question my sanity & competence. I question & then I decide that nothing worthwhile is easy. Good things take work. And so, I work.......
7 comments:
Keep on keeping on! You are a great mom; maybe Carson was a fussy baby, but look at what a cute, intelligent, fun boy he is! I have sworn off having more children after having Avery! Just ask Laurel how eventful church is these days. My patience is tried by the hour, but along with her strong independence comes one of the most fun personalities I have even seen a 14 month old have! We take the bad with the good! We love you- wish we were close; I would love to hold baby while you got some things done!
Oh Brittney, you luuurve church. Hilary I think you are doing great... It sounds a bit trying but you still sound happy and that is good. I'm sure it is bound to get better. Burke is going to need less attention in a few months, maybe he will sleep longer or be happy with some toys for a little while... He and Carson might even find it amusing to watch you exercise! My words may not be comforting since I am still 35+ days away from having a second child. Maybe me blogging about my life will make you feel better about yours since I am going to be a trainwreck. But you are a great mom and so what if kids are sad and whiny... Take some time and do something for you oh and don't worry about the house (unless that is your you time and you are picking up for your sanity) Mark would rather see you happy than have clean house.
Oh you have no idea how much I understand every word you said. I just want to say, you are not alone! I definately ask myself these questions daily! I don't have many words of encouragment cuz I feel the same lately but I guess this is why we are put on the earth, to have a raise a family first then everything else will fall into place. I just learn to teach myself the little things, such as a clean house, can wait. As long as the children come first. It definately is a lot of work and yet we still feel like nothing got accomplished. Well if you ever need to vent, you can vent to me cuz I HEAR YA! ;) Your doing great and pretty soon that little baby won't want a hug or to be held, so if that's all you do in a day, then enjoy it cuz that's what matters most. :)
Hilary!
I think we all feel like this some days, some weeks, even some months! Especially when there is a new little one in the house. It will get better. There will come a day when you won't be holding Burke all the time...and you'll miss it! By simply raising your children, you are doing so much. So so much. They're lucky to have you as their mom.
I think you're awesome.
(and I'm not full of it either.)
Crap. I don't know what to say. I have no words of wisdom, because I obviously have no clue what it must be like, I can only imagine the constant attention of a newborn (feeding all day) plus the activity of a toddler.
I love your honesty though, it makes me realize you're a normal person! ha. really though, don't you just sometimes wonder how people "seem" to be perfect at everything? it's never true i bet. you're awesome. but you don't need me to tell you that!
p.s. is carson heading out on an expedition? he's the cutest little sailor i've ever seen!!!
aw Hil - hang in there! It does get better! And maybe the whole situation will be slow to get better, but soon you will adapt to your new life and feel better about how things are. It is so so hard. And you are doing great! Don't be afraid to ask for help - take people up on their offers... and don't feel guilty about it! I love ya and wish I could be there to help you. One day at a time, things will get better!
Two kids? Ay caramba! Why doesn't anybody tell me anything?
Nice work, Hil.
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